Our adoption story starts long
ago. At one level, Michelle has wanted
to adopt a child for many years. Even
when we were “just friends” and all through our dating years, we talked about
the idea of adoption. Looking back on
these early ideas and conversations, it is clear to us now that God was at work
in our hearts and lives even then, paving the way for this exciting, scary, and
joyful time. In this way, our adoption
story is more than a decade in the making.
But this story goes back much
further than decades because our story is really a participation in what God is
already up to in the world. Through
Christ, God reached out to humankind with a delighted, enthusiastic, unconditional
“yes!” God has adopted all of us who are
in Christ. God has claimed us as God’s
children and given us a place in God’s family.
That is the heart of the gospel and it is the heart of our adoption
story. All of God’s people are invited
to participate in this radical love. We
can all participate in this love when we show love to others and when we show
mercy to those who least expect or deserve it.
Now we find ourselves called to participate in this sort of love in a
very particular way: Welcoming a child
into our lives, our family, our community, and our hearts.
It is our joy to invite you into
this story, as well!
Our adoption will be a domestic
infant adoption, meaning a child age 6 months or younger from the United
States. It is our hope to be matched
with our child less than one year after going active with our adoption
agency. Prior to going active, there are
numerous forms to fill out, numerous fees and expenses (background checks, FBI
clearances, etc.) There is also an
extensive (and expensive) adoption home study that we have to have completed
before we can go active. During this
time prior to activation, we are also working on a profile that will be shown
to prospective birthparents to help make a positive match possible. The whole thing is kind of like a job interview,
screening process, and mortgage application all rolled into one. We are hard at work during this
pre-activation phase so that once we go active, we can bring our child home as
soon as possible.
This story isn’t just about us and
it’s not just about a child who needs a family.
It is also a story about a birthmother and birthfather longing for a
safe and loving home and life for their child.
As we looked into different adoption options, it became clear to us that
the ongoing care for and health of the birthparents of our adopted child was a
vital concern. Though we feel called to
adopt, we do not want the birthparents of our adopted child to be left doubting
the decision to terminate their parental rights. We do not want them to be left in worse shape
than before the adoption. We are working
with an agency that has a good track record of providing care for all parties both
during and after the adoption. They also
help facilitate positive and healthy contact between us, our child, and the
birthparents during and after the adoption process. We hope for an open or semi-open
adoption—that is, we hope to exchange medical and genetic information, photos,
letters, and phone calls. In this way,
we hope to lead to a greater sense of peace and wholeness to everyone involved.
Unfortunately, working with a reputable nationwide adoption organization is
expensive. In fact, adoption in general
is expensive. This is a surprise to many
people. It was certainly a surprise to
us as we started looking into the various adoption options! Adoption through the state Department of
Social Services is “free” to those adopting a child, but these adoptions still
cost a similar amount of money. In this
case, the government subsidizes the adoption costs, so our tax dollars fund
these adoptions. Also, many children
adopted through DSS have special needs (physically, emotionally, and/or
behaviorally) that require lots of ongoing care and costs. Even “free” adoptions still carry a cost.
The average cost of an adoption
ranges from $20,000 to $40,000. If you
think about it, it probably costs many families a similar amount of money for
prenatal care and to deliver a biological child, although these costs are
covered by insurance. Unfortunately,
health insurance will not pay for an adoption.
Some costs associated with an adoption include legal fees, counseling
and training for the adoptive parents, counseling and services for the
birthparent(s), prenatal care, labor and delivery care, living expenses for the
birthparent(s) during pregnancy, travel costs for adoptive parents to get to
where the child is, background checks and clearances, home study costs, and
administrative and marketing costs for the adoption agency or attorney.
Needless to say, we (like most
people) don’t have a spare $40,000 sitting around to make all of this
possible. In researching our options, we
wanted to work with a reputable agency with a good track record for caring for
all parties involved during and after the adoption. We also wanted to work with a national agency
with the ability to make adoptions happen across state lines. By opening up to a nationwide scale, our wait
time for our child should be less than a year instead of 3-4 years
locally. Like many aspects of life, with
adoption agencies, you get what you pay for.
We knew going into this process that the financial component would be the
greatest challenge to us. Yet we know
that we are not alone in this—God has not led us this far into the process to
let our adoption fail due to a lack of funds.
We have scaled back our own expenses and tightened up our finances
considerably. We will be holding a yard
sale and finding other money making opportunities.
Again, we know that we are not
alone. Many African cultures have
proverbs that speak to the upbringing of a child. These proverbs are often amalgamated into the
phrase “it takes a village to raise a child.”
Though its origin is debatable, the truth behind this proverb rings
true. It will take a village—our support
system and friendship network and church family—to help form and shape our
child. In the same way, we are counting
on the support, generosity, and help of our little village to help bring our child
into our family. This includes you!
We know that God has blessed our
lives with wonderful people like you. We
also know that God has blessed you and it is our humble joy to invite you to be
a part of our little village; to be part of our adoption story and a part of
helping us fulfill this calling that God has placed on our lives. Please consider contributing monetarily to
our adoption process. You can donate
through the “Donate” button on this page.
We also welcome your prayers, your questions, and your love.
-Andrew
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