Serendipity

I am amazed at all of the serendipitous aspects of our adoption process so far.  Money has, of course, been the big question mark in the process all along.  And yet at every turn, there have been little exclamation points to answer that question mark.  People we haven’t seen or talked to in ages have given toward our adoption. People we’ve never even met have contributed.  Everything we read about adoption funding said, “you’ll be surprised and humbled by who God uses to help you bring your child home.”  We knew to expect those surprises, but we have still been overjoyed and overwhelmed by the vastness of our little village.  To you all who have helped make our adoption possible and to those who will continue to surprise and humble us, thank you!

Not only have we been able to continue to save toward the adoption (with a little help from our friends and from beautiful strangers alike), we’ve just recently encountered what I would call a helping hand from God.  Some might call it a series of coincidences or a stroke of good luck, but regardless it is a great story.  To make a long story short, we managed to stumble into a situation that actually meets our needs and desires, but also will save us at least $10,000 on the adoption!

It started when one of Michelle’s coworkers referred us to a social worker to do our home study.  For those of you who don’t know, every family trying to adopt has to have a home study completed by a certified professional, so we knew we’d have to find someone to do the home study.  Michelle’s coworker, who is an adoptive parent, recommended a person from our home town to do the home study.  The fact that this person came highly recommended was great, but the fact that she works and lives in our home town seals the deal. 

A bit later in our home study process we found out that my parents have known our home study provider for almost as long as I’ve been alive!  We had no idea about this connection prior to the home study.  In our conversations with our social worker, she suggested that we should, in addition to considering our national agency, consider a couple of local attorneys in the Upstate who are well-respected and experienced.  Michelle talked a bit about the family fair we attended in the post below.  We found out we have a number of personal connections with the attorneys.  Again, another little “coincidence.”

Still, we had a lot of questions for these lawyers.  The agency we were working with offers services to birthmothers, advertising services, and nationwide placements.  One of the attorneys we met with offers all of this, as well.  The agency has a low disruption rate (low incidences of the adoption not going through once placement is made)—the attorney we met with has a slightly lower rate.  The agency does a large number of placements per year (300 or so, with a large nationwide pool of potential adoptive parents)—the attorney we met with does 60-80 placements per year and actually has a shortage of potential adoptive parents right now. The agency offers limited financial risk should an adoption disrupt; the attorney offers a very comparable level of financial protection.

The attorney and agency compare favorably in all the areas that are important to us.  Of course, we know the attorney personally now and feel like we would have someone working for us and someone close to home instead of halfway across the country.  It also helps that he is a passionate adoption advocate and an adoptive parent of two children—he’s not in it for the money and he is comfortable talking about adoption as a calling. So we had a good feeling about all of this and we were beginning to lean toward changing to work with the attorney instead of the agency.

But what really sealed the deal is that the attorney costs will be $30,000 (or maybe even a bit less) instead of $40,000.  That’s a huge difference!  It boils down to several things—lower overhead, lower cost for the profile (no video to make and have edited), lower advertising costs and fees, and less inflated legal fees since we’re cutting out the middle man, so to speak, and working directly with the attorney.  

As an added benefit, since we’re working with a local attorney, he can handle most out-of-state adoptions under our state's jurisdiction which can be helpful when working in states that have very persnickety or archaic laws.

Needless to say, we’re excited about this series of fortuitous events!  We’re even more excited that we have less money to save up.  That means that we should be able to get our child even more quickly!  It also means that any gift you give makes an even bigger impact and helps us toward our goal that much faster!  Continue to celebrate with us, ask us questions, give us words of encouragement, and if you feel called to do so, donate today!

-Andrew

Connecting the Dots

Wow!  Has it really been over a week since the last post?  Time moves so fast sometimes!  This past weekend we ventured out to an adoption conference at the urging of our social worker.  We had a ball!  It was great to hear from others who are as excited about the subject of adoption as we are! 

Some major connections were made while at this conference.  For one, we met the lawyer we likely want to handle our adoption.  We also met a CPA who specializes in adoption tax credits, etc.   Even these professionals are passionate about adoption, evidenced by the fact that they were all adoptive parents! 

The whole experience was very rewarding.  We’re excited to continue forward!

Baby Steps

I can’t begin to explain how happy I am to almost be done with the home study phase of this adoption process.  This past week we had our home visit from our social worker.  It was a whirlwind, but our social worker did a great job!  I still feel so “new” to this, and I often feel like I have no idea what I’m doing.  Isn’t that the case with so much in life though?  You just keep on going; in this case you keep filling out forms.  I will be GLAD to pass off those forms.  I’m grateful to my sweet hubby who has spent many an evening with me pouring over these pages.  So in case you’re wondering, here are the next steps in our process:

1. Finish home study – Almost there!!

2. Complete the print profile – We have to collect and label almost 100 recent pictures of ourselves (this has actually been pretty fun, to relive some of our adventures and make new ones thanks to sweet family who tolerate me shoving a camera in their hands as of late) and write multiple pages describing ourselves, our home, etc.

3. Complete the video profile – If you know me, you know I dread this.  I’m an introvert.   Being in a video is not my idea of fun.  I’m grateful for the dear friends who have encouraged me in this.  It is so worth setting aside my comfort!!!

4. Fundraising – We cannot even get on the wait list until we have our financing secured.  You see why this is my biggest worry??  Andrew’s been great to help me celebrate small goals.  We recently reached the 10% mark!  (THANK YOU FOR MAKING THIS POSSIBLE!!!!) 

The whole process is very daunting.  It makes you doubt yourself.  It’s stressful.  But it’s also incredibly rewarding.  I am so blessed by time spent with Andrew and how close our conversations have brought us.  I am blessed by the time spent in prayer and relying on God when I’m just so unable to keep going on my own.  I am blessed by my beloved family who have not just supported this decision but enthusiastically participated in the process with us!  I am blessed by friends and strangers who have surrounded us with uplifting comments and even financial support. 

When the going gets tough, these blessings help me persevere.  Everyday we’re just a little bit closer to bringing home Baby I.

The Color of Love

I have known that adoption was the right choice for our family.  During a recent phone interview with our agency, our case worker stated “This will happen.  I don’t know when, but it will happen.”  I agree.  The only thing that has been a concern for me was money.  I told Andrew when we started the process that I trust that things will come together as they are supposed to.  But I have always been worried about the money.

So I decided to be proactive.  I wanted to think of truly meaningful fundraisers to use for our adoption.  We have a few big fundraisers planned out.  This might be my favorite: we are “selling” the pieces of a puzzle called The Color of Love.  I chose this puzzle because of the look of it and the name of it (so symbolic because, among other reasons, we have applied to adopt a child of any race).  With a $10 donation, we’ll write the donor’s name on the back of a piece of the puzzle.  Once all pieces are spoken for, we’ll assemble it and have it framed to put in the nursery.  This puzzle is actually the focal point of our nursery design.  I know a lot of people are hesitant to give money because they think that just $5 or $10 won’t do much.  But if everyone on our Facebook friends lists gave $10, we’d have a full quarter of our fees right there!!  We’re excited to have a reminder of the village that helps bring our baby home.  We’re excited to tell our child of the many generous people who loved them and hoped for them before they were even born.  Each piece of the puzzle will tell a story.  We could not imagine a more perfect fundraiser for our situation than that.  I hope you will join us in reaching our goal.  If you can spare $10, please consider giving to our adoption fund.  Here’s a link to donate:

http://bringinghomebabyi.blogspot.com/2014/01/paypal-safer-easier-way-to-pay-online.html

I know I will be surprised at how things come together.  That’s a cool thing about how God works.  Even recently, people I have never met have stepped forward to help bring my baby home to me.  How incredible to see God at work as we have stepped out in faith to follow our call to adopt.  Please continue to pray for us, for our baby, and for our baby’s birth parents.  We are beyond grateful for your kind words, hugs, and “likes” on Facebook.  Thank you, thank you, thank you for your support!!

Miracles Do Happen

My little brother and his amazing bride are currently expecting their first child.  Since Andrew and I are not taking the traditional route to expanding our family, I knew I’d be missing out on all those mommy-to-be moments that one typically experiences when pregnant.  Recently, my brother and sister-in-law invited me to sit in on the next ultrasound appointment, which was today.  And let me say, WOW!!!

How incredible it was to sit and watch the tech snap picture after picture of a tiny leg, little fingers, the profile of the head, etc.  At this point, they said the baby is about 3 inches long.  We SAW its heart beating.  We HEARD its heart beat.  I was completely choked up.  What an incredible miracle.  This tiny 3 inch long human has a heart that beats like ours.  It has tiny fingers that kept covering its face to hide from the camera.  It has legs that kick and wiggle like any squirming child.  And it’s inside my beautiful sister-in-law.  How does God do it!?  Sitting in that room and listening to the heartbeat, I just truly had a hard time wrapping my head around it.  And I could not help but think that somewhere, maybe even at this very moment, there’s another woman who’s growing a little human in her that will one day be my sweet baby.  What a great thing that God has called us to adopt, and He knows when and where our baby will be already.  Please join me in praying for the strong woman who will experience the “happiest sad” as she trusts me with the life she bears in her.  She is as much a part of our adoption story as we ourselves are.  I can’t wait to get the phone call that she has picked us for her child.  I can’t wait to hold our own little miracle.

Our Story

Our adoption story starts long ago.  At one level, Michelle has wanted to adopt a child for many years.  Even when we were “just friends” and all through our dating years, we talked about the idea of adoption.  Looking back on these early ideas and conversations, it is clear to us now that God was at work in our hearts and lives even then, paving the way for this exciting, scary, and joyful time.  In this way, our adoption story is more than a decade in the making.

But this story goes back much further than decades because our story is really a participation in what God is already up to in the world.  Through Christ, God reached out to humankind with a delighted, enthusiastic, unconditional “yes!”  God has adopted all of us who are in Christ.  God has claimed us as God’s children and given us a place in God’s family.  That is the heart of the gospel and it is the heart of our adoption story.  All of God’s people are invited to participate in this radical love.  We can all participate in this love when we show love to others and when we show mercy to those who least expect or deserve it.  Now we find ourselves called to participate in this sort of love in a very particular way:  Welcoming a child into our lives, our family, our community, and our hearts.

It is our joy to invite you into this story, as well! 

Our adoption will be a domestic infant adoption, meaning a child age 6 months or younger from the United States.  It is our hope to be matched with our child less than one year after going active with our adoption agency.  Prior to going active, there are numerous forms to fill out, numerous fees and expenses (background checks, FBI clearances, etc.)  There is also an extensive (and expensive) adoption home study that we have to have completed before we can go active.  During this time prior to activation, we are also working on a profile that will be shown to prospective birthparents to help make a positive match possible.  The whole thing is kind of like a job interview, screening process, and mortgage application all rolled into one.  We are hard at work during this pre-activation phase so that once we go active, we can bring our child home as soon as possible.

This story isn’t just about us and it’s not just about a child who needs a family.  It is also a story about a birthmother and birthfather longing for a safe and loving home and life for their child.  As we looked into different adoption options, it became clear to us that the ongoing care for and health of the birthparents of our adopted child was a vital concern.  Though we feel called to adopt, we do not want the birthparents of our adopted child to be left doubting the decision to terminate their parental rights.  We do not want them to be left in worse shape than before the adoption.  We are working with an agency that has a good track record of providing care for all parties both during and after the adoption.  They also help facilitate positive and healthy contact between us, our child, and the birthparents during and after the adoption process.  We hope for an open or semi-open adoption—that is, we hope to exchange medical and genetic information, photos, letters, and phone calls.  In this way, we hope to lead to a greater sense of peace and wholeness to everyone involved.

Unfortunately, working with a reputable nationwide adoption organization is expensive.  In fact, adoption in general is expensive.  This is a surprise to many people.  It was certainly a surprise to us as we started looking into the various adoption options!  Adoption through the state Department of Social Services is “free” to those adopting a child, but these adoptions still cost a similar amount of money.  In this case, the government subsidizes the adoption costs, so our tax dollars fund these adoptions.  Also, many children adopted through DSS have special needs (physically, emotionally, and/or behaviorally) that require lots of ongoing care and costs.  Even “free” adoptions still carry a cost.

The average cost of an adoption ranges from $20,000 to $40,000.   If you think about it, it probably costs many families a similar amount of money for prenatal care and to deliver a biological child, although these costs are covered by insurance.  Unfortunately, health insurance will not pay for an adoption.  Some costs associated with an adoption include legal fees, counseling and training for the adoptive parents, counseling and services for the birthparent(s), prenatal care, labor and delivery care, living expenses for the birthparent(s) during pregnancy, travel costs for adoptive parents to get to where the child is, background checks and clearances, home study costs, and administrative and marketing costs for the adoption agency or attorney. 

Needless to say, we (like most people) don’t have a spare $40,000 sitting around to make all of this possible.  In researching our options, we wanted to work with a reputable agency with a good track record for caring for all parties involved during and after the adoption.  We also wanted to work with a national agency with the ability to make adoptions happen across state lines.  By opening up to a nationwide scale, our wait time for our child should be less than a year instead of 3-4 years locally.  Like many aspects of life, with adoption agencies, you get what you pay for.  We knew going into this process that the financial component would be the greatest challenge to us.  Yet we know that we are not alone in this—God has not led us this far into the process to let our adoption fail due to a lack of funds.  We have scaled back our own expenses and tightened up our finances considerably.  We will be holding a yard sale and finding other money making opportunities. 

Again, we know that we are not alone.  Many African cultures have proverbs that speak to the upbringing of a child.  These proverbs are often amalgamated into the phrase “it takes a village to raise a child.”  Though its origin is debatable, the truth behind this proverb rings true.  It will take a village—our support system and friendship network and church family—to help form and shape our child.  In the same way, we are counting on the support, generosity, and help of our little village to help bring our child into our family.  This includes you! 

We know that God has blessed our lives with wonderful people like you.  We also know that God has blessed you and it is our humble joy to invite you to be a part of our little village; to be part of our adoption story and a part of helping us fulfill this calling that God has placed on our lives.  Please consider contributing monetarily to our adoption process.  You can donate through the “Donate” button on this page.  We also welcome your prayers, your questions, and your love. 

-Andrew

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